These guidelines are to help you enjoy your time at Quest and the club etiquette that we suggest.
The Main Rules are simple.
- No always means NO!.
- No never means maybe.
- No never means yes if you keep trying.
- Touching a person after you have been told No is a sexual assault.
- Only play with people you are attracted to, and who you want to play with.
- If someone declines to play with you, do not get upset. The lifestyle depends on people being adults and only playing when both parties are attracted to each other.
- If you are a couple, define your boundaries before attending.
- Leave your issues at the door on the way in.
- Save any disputes until you get home.
Relax and get acquainted
When at a swinging house party, you are there to enjoy yourself with other people who also enjoy the swinging lifestyle.
Once you have become familiar with the surroundings and your host/hostess, try to relax as you would be at any other social gathering. Don’t hesitate to introduce yourselves to other people. You’ll find most of them eager to welcome you and to help you get to know the other people at the party.
Join The Conversation
Some people will probably “break the ice” by introducing themselves, along with other couples they know. It’s their way of making you feel at home. Feel free to join their conversation and you’ll find that most of them will be happy to answer any questions you may have about the “swinging” lifestyle. Be open and honest. Tell them that you are new to “swinging” and you’ll discover how helpful people can be.
Be accepting of other peoples choices: everyone at Quest Swingers Club has their own reasons for being there.
Treat everyone with respect: The other guests are all there for fun. No one should go to a party thinking they are guaranteed sex. Sex is never guaranteed at any swingers event. All the guests are there to have fun, but no-one is there to have sex with you!. You have to flirt, and talk and charm people until someone finds you attractive and interesting enough to go to a room with.
Respect Boundaries: While you are advised to be friendly and outgoing, don’t be Pushy. Many couples who are new to swinging often have unrealistic expectations and are not prepared to handle the rejections that may sometimes occur.
Personal Hygene: Freshly showered, perfumed, and neatly dressed people make more friends than people who have not washed and are in dirty clothing.
No one is perfect: and it is common for new swingers to see other guests as more attractive or more outgoing than themselves. Don’t let your own mind be your worst enemy. Be prepared to handle rejections but don’t take the rejections personally.
Personal Choice: It is important to remember that Personal Choice is the right of every person at the party and to respect that right is good manners. Learn how to accept “No Thank You” graciously. Your attitude, which should be the same as it would be at any social setting, is a major factor to you being accepted as a desirable swinging partner/friend.
Swinging runs on mutual attraction: If you do not find someone attractive you should not play with them.
There are several reasons why people may choose not to “Play” with you:
- No Physical Attraction – It is important that people are attracted to each other.
- No Mental Attraction – Mental Attraction can be as important as physical attraction.
- You are not part of a Fantasy – Many couples at swingers parties are acting out their fantasies. If you do not fit into their fantasy they will decline to play with you.
- Are you clean and smart? – Unless the other people are looking for “a bit of rough” most people are looking for partners who look and smell nice.
- Are you being to pushy? – Although you should be open and chatty, do not take over the conversation listen as much as you talk, ask questions and listen to the answers.
Handle rejection gracefully: if you accept and move on you will be regarded as polite and a good guest and recieve future invitations. Making a fuss about being rejected will make you a bad guest who may not be invited to future events.
Don’t Burn Your Bridges: Although someone may decline to play at the current event, they may want to play at a future event. They may have declined this time because you were not inside agreed boundaries, or you did not satisfy the fantasy the person wanted to fulfil.
Decline To Play Respectfully: No-one likes to be rejected, A simple Not Tonight Thanks, is sufficient when declining to play. Telling them why you don’t want to play could lead to offence.
New Swinging Couples
Establish your own ground rules: There are several variations to “swinging” and it is important that you and your partner decide, in advance, those which you like and dislike. Some couples prefer to be alone, while others prefer to be with other couples. Please decide on your ground rules and boundaries of what each of you can do at the club BEFORE you come to the club.
Stay Within The Boundaries You Agreed to: Don’t be led astray from what you have agreed with your partner. Doing so can cause rifts between you. Do not try changing your boundaries whilst at the club, we do not want couples having a debate when you should be having fun. When you return home you can discuss changing the boundaries before your next “swinging” encounter.
On your first venture into the swinging scene, you may feel somewhat uneasy about seeing your mate with someone else. This is normal, but also exciting. Relax and enjoy the moment.
Some swingers want to share their adventures with their partner and feel uneasy watching them go to another room with someone. They may prefer that they are in the same room with their partner while they play. Both partners may want to be involved which can be a 3some or 4some. This should be discussed when defining your boundaries.